It must be tough being the pope. I mean, think of all the things you have to deal with. You’ve got the spiritual well-being of about a billion Catholics to worry about, you’ve got the whole child molestation scandal hanging over your head, and worst of all, somebody might be masturbating somewhere.

You can’t have had all that exciting a life either, at least in my hedonistic view of things. Sure, you might get to spend your afterlife playing bocce ball with God himself, but right now you’re an 81-year-old virgin who has basically spent his entire life with his head buried in the same long-winded book. Continue reading »