By Todd Hartley on September 3, 2010
You know how conspiracy theorists are always trying to convince us that our government does horrible secret things that nobody hears about, things we Americans think are only done by governments run by people like Josef Stalin, Pol Pot and Idi Amin?
Well, those conspiracy theorists are usually full of malarkey. No American leaders, with the possible exceptions of Dan Quayle and Tipper Gore, ever killed more than about 6,000 of their fellow countrymen. In fact, I believe Michael Dukakis holds the record with a confirmed body count of 5,962. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged cia, france, hallucinations, lsd, rye bread, sandoz
By Todd Hartley on September 11, 2009
Zut alors! What odd times these are in the fair nation of France. In an effort to stop the spread of swine flu, authorities in that most romantic of countries are urging people to stop kissing. Some schools and businesses have even gone so far as to ban “la bise,” the traditional peck-on-both-cheeks greeting that we Americans find so awkward but Europeans seem genetically programmed to do.
Granted, the powers that be in France needed to do something. Some agencies are estimating that France will have 20,000 new cases of swine flu each week until the pandemic runs its course. But is banning kissing really the way to combat the threat? Perhaps an emphasis on better hygiene in general would be a more effective place to start. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged france, kissing, science, sleep
By Todd Hartley on May 29, 2009
It seems the French have finally found an invader they’re willing to stand up to: the dreaded Church of Scientology. The organization, founded in America in the ‘50s, went on trial in Paris earlier this week in a case where a woman claims she was conned and coerced into spending nearly $30,000 on books, lessons and medicines she was told would cure her mental woes.
If the church is unsuccessful in defending itself against the charge of organized fraud, it could be banned nationwide. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged church, france, lawsuit, scientology, trial
By Todd Hartley on December 19, 2008
Sometimes, here in the U.S., we have a tendency to be a little provincial when it comes to the world stage. We get so caught up in our own troubles that we forget there are people out there who have it even worse. For instance, we’ve been so fixated on the hullabaloo over the shoes thrown at President Bush on his visit to Iraq that we’ve completely ignored the much more dangerous threats that other world leaders face.
As a man who doesn’t drink or do drugs anymore, Bush is always on top of his game, his mind sharp as a tack and his body ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged bush, carla bruni, doll, france, sarkozy, shoes, voodoo
By Todd Hartley on July 11, 2008
In the history of game shows, there is one, and only one, greatest answer ever.
On “The Newlywed Game” in 1977, a woman named Olga was asked to guess where her husband would say was the weirdest place she’d ever gotten the urge to make whoopee. Olga answered, “In the ass?”
For obvious reasons, that particular line will probably never be topped. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged ass, budapest, europe, france, newlywed, pickler, smarter