Congress tackles footblah, blah, blah

July 10, 2009

I was bartending the other night — believe it or not, this column doesn’t pay all my bills — when this gal at the bar mentioned how excited she was that NFL training camps are opening soon. Naturally, she was a Denver Broncos fan, as people in most states have other things to hold their interest in the summer. I gave a weary groan, in my own obnoxious way, to let her know what I thought of football talk in July, and that was basically the end of it. Sadly, though, football discussion has become a year-round pursuit, and unless you’re a rabid pigskin fan, it gets mind-numbingly boring. Read More »

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Sex and the gridiron

February 20, 2004

There was big news out of Boulder Wednesday night, as the president of Colorado University and the chancellor of the university system got together to announce that CU football coach Gary Barnett has been placed on “administrative leave,” pending the results of an investigation into the football team’s sexual transgressions.

What does “administrative leave” mean? We’ll answer that in due time. But for now, back to the sex.

In the past few weeks, two young women have come forward with claims that they were raped by as many as four men at a party thrown by the team in order to impress visiting recruits, Read More »

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Batty over boobies

February 6, 2004

Technically, this is a sports column, and I know that Janet Jackson’s breast isn’t a sporting event or some sort of sport unto itself, but it did make its public debut during halftime of the Super Bowl, so I will take that flimsy segue and run with it.

I’ve noticed that for some reason the media overlooked the incident, but I think it requires some further discussion. When a cherished member of one of America’s least controversial families bares her breast on national TV, you’d think people might notice. Read More »

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Takes one to know one

January 30, 2004

You may not have noticed, but this past week marked the 10th anniversary of the infamous Tonya Harding incident, in which Nancy Kerrigan got clubbed in the knee but nevertheless went on to an Olympic silver medal, and Harding got arrested but nevertheless went on to Celebrity Boxing stardom.

Even people like me who couldn’t care less about figure skating know what Tonya Harding looks like. She has transcended sports and even her own association with Kerrigan to become one of those things that American pop culture loves the most: She’s someone who is famous for being a loser, like Saddam Hussein or Bill Buckner or Screech from “Saved by the Bell.” Read More »

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The Friday morning QB

January 16, 2004

There are only a few positions in all of the major sports wherein one can truly dominate a game. Hockey and soccer goalies and baseball pitchers are good examples. If you do your job perfectly, given enough overtimes or extra innings, your team will eventually win the game.

That’s the reason why people play goalie in the first place. It’s not like people just enjoy having pucks and balls rifled at them. As a goalie, you have a chance to be a hero every night, and when you suck, you can just say your defense played poorly. Read More »

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Hey, Mom, guess what I just did!

December 19, 2003

One of the few highlights from my lackluster and abbreviated high school football career came in a JV game when my brother, a junior tailback, and I, a sophomore wideout, both scored touchdowns.

My brother scored on a nifty run around the right side, and after crossing the goal line, he simply handed the ball to the referee. A few minutes later, I pulled in an 18-yard touchdown pass from our quarterback and, being unfamiliar with proper football etiquette, also handed the ball right to an official.

Little did I know then that I was missing out on a grand opportunity for artistic expression. Read More »

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Keepin’ the white man down

October 10, 2003

I’m a little concerned about Rush Limbaugh resigning from ESPN, which is something I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d say.

Mind you, I’m not particularly bothered that he’s off the air. I’m no more interested in his football opinions than I am any of his other opinions. It’s just the way that the whole incident played out that has me troubled. Read More »

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Does the Buckeye stop here?

September 26, 2003

A year ago at this time, Ohio State tailback Maurice Clarett was the second coming of Archie Griffin, the only man ever to win two Heisman Trophies and, like Clarett, a god around Columbus.

Clarett was on his way to 1,237 rushing yards and freshman-of-the-year awards, and the Buckeyes were on their way to an undefeated season and the school’s first national championship since 1968.

What a difference a year makes. Read More »

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Everything Jake with Plummer?

September 5, 2003

I don’t know how, considering that college football is under way and the NFL has endured four weeks of preseason games already, but football season has snuck up on me again. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to let go of summer just yet. I want to bask in its lingering glow just a little bit longer.

The Denver Broncos and their fans can certainly empathize with my plight; they’ve been pining away for John Elway for the last five years, and much of their team’s lingering reputation is still based on the Super Bowl years of 1997 and ’98. Read More »

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Hokie: one lacking integrity; nonsense

July 4, 2003

As a sports fan, and in particular a fan of the Big East, I have been troubled by a nagging question for a number of years now. I imagine you probably have too.

What the hell is a Hokie, anyway?

I’m referring, of course, to the nickname of the sports teams at Virginia Tech, which, as a football powerhouse and the school that gave us Michael Vick, has put the name Hokies on the map. Read More »

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