It’s been somewhat of an interesting week for America’s technology sector, which saw its reputation take some hits on the international level but may yet have a chance to reclaim its top geek status, thanks to a potentially hazardous decision by a shadowy organization called HEPAP.
First came the terrifying revelation by the U.S. Air Force that on Saturday, due to a computer glitch, the U.S. was completely vulnerable to attack by enemy combatants for a good 45 minutes. Continue reading
Before I launch into this week’s tirade — because, trust me, that’s what this will be — I would like to point out that I have plenty of friends who smoke, and many of them are even considerate enough to dispose of their cigarette butts in trash cans. I know from watching other smokers fail to do this that it requires a Herculean effort, so I want to applaud my friends who go to such great lengths.
And to those smokers who feel that dropping cigarette butts on the ground is OK, I’d like to ask you a few questions: Continue reading
So you think you’ve been hit hard by the global recession, eh? Two years ago you lived in a 20,000-square-foot mansion, but the bank foreclosed on you, and now you’re sharing a trailer with a family of toothless rednecks? Well, boo-friggin’-hoo. Cry me a river, Alice. You have no idea how good you’ve got it.
Still, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for you, so, in an effort to cheer you up about the fact that your living situation has gone down the toilet, I’m going to point out to you how much worse things could be. It’ll be a little like one of my favorite childhood books: Dr. Seuss’s “Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?” Continue reading
As a decent, patriotic American, you are no doubt aware that in December 2008 an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at then-President George W. Bush while Bush was giving a press conference in Baghdad. Like me, I’m sure you were outraged by the journalist’s attack, which is considered a great insult in Muslim nations.
And perhaps you’ve heard that the very next month, on Bush’s last day in office, roughly 100 people stood on Pennsylvania Avenue and gave the outgoing president an Iraqi-style sendoff by lobbing their shoes in the direction of the White House, to the cheers of passers-by and even a handful of security guards. Continue reading
I woke up Tuesday morning to learn that General Motors had finally found a buyer for Hummer, the company that brought you the cleverly named H1, H2 and H3, the gas-guzzling behemoths that have come to symbolize all that is wrong with the American auto industry.
The story I read said the buyer wished to remain anonymous for the time being, so I spent the day in suspense. That night I said to a co-worker, “Whoever the buyer is, you can bet it’s a company with a really small penis.” Continue reading