So you think you’ve been hit hard by the global recession, eh? Two years ago you lived in a 20,000-square-foot mansion, but the bank foreclosed on you, and now you’re sharing a trailer with a family of toothless rednecks? Well, boo-friggin’-hoo. Cry me a river, Alice. You have no idea how good you’ve got it.
Still, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for you, so, in an effort to cheer you up about the fact that your living situation has gone down the toilet, I’m going to point out to you how much worse things could be. It’ll be a little like one of my favorite childhood books: Dr. Seuss’s “Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?” Read More »
As a decent, patriotic American, you are no doubt aware that in December 2008 an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at then-President George W. Bush while Bush was giving a press conference in Baghdad. Like me, I’m sure you were outraged by the journalist’s attack, which is considered a great insult in Muslim nations.
And perhaps you’ve heard that the very next month, on Bush’s last day in office, roughly 100 people stood on Pennsylvania Avenue and gave the outgoing president an Iraqi-style sendoff by lobbing their shoes in the direction of the White House, to the cheers of passers-by and even a handful of security guards. Read More »
I woke up Tuesday morning to learn that General Motors had finally found a buyer for Hummer, the company that brought you the cleverly named H1, H2 and H3, the gas-guzzling behemoths that have come to symbolize all that is wrong with the American auto industry.
The story I read said the buyer wished to remain anonymous for the time being, so I spent the day in suspense. That night I said to a co-worker, “Whoever the buyer is, you can bet it’s a company with a really small penis.” Read More »