Bad parents unhappy about Happy Meals

I am, admittedly, not the best parent in the world. Oh, I try, but I’m lazy and not very bright, so sometimes things don’t work out exactly as planned. I frequently let my son stay up past his bedtime, and he can go many days between baths. I allow him to watch more TV than he should, and I still haven’t figured out how to get my son to eat healthy food. There is one thing I do know as a parent, though, and that’s this: If you want your child to be healthy, don’t make McDonald’s a staple of their diet.
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If you’re happy and you know it dress alike

Before you venture too far into this week’s column, I feel it’s only fair to warn you that what you are about to read is so sickeningly cutesy-poo that if you have an aversion to sweets, this is guaranteed to make your teeth hurt or possibly make you puke.

I love my wife, and in 43 years I hope to have been married to her for 46 years. (No, that’s not the vomit-inducing part of the column, smartass.) But if my wife and I ever start to dress alike, someone please do me a favor and kill me. Continue reading »