It’s been a slow week for stupidity worldwide, with the usual assortment of dumb stories having been shoved from the headlines by earthquakes in Chile and Taiwan, killer waves in the Mediterranean and the never-ending debate on health care reform. Actually, check that. Health care reform and the nothing being done about it may be the stupidest story of them all, but it’s just not funny.
Don’t get me wrong; there were people doing stupid things this week — 63 worshippers were killed in India when a stampede broke out at a temple giving away free food — but poking fun at dead people could be considered distasteful, Read More »
Avid paleontology fans — and I know there are thousands of you reading this column right now — may have taken note of the discovery recently of what scientists are calling a fossilized jawbone fragment from a giant, prehistoric, clam-eating shark known as Ptychodus mortoni. The handful of you out there who aren’t avid paleontology fans might have missed this little news tidbit, but it’s something that I believe merits further discussion. Read More »
I’m not sure if any of you have been following the news coming out of Uganda lately, but if you haven’t, I think it’s about time you got caught up to speed. The situation over there has become so ludicrous that this columnist can no longer sit idly by and not make fun of it.
First, however, I want to pose a hypothetical question: If you showed up for church one Sunday, and the priest (or reverend or rabbi or imam or whoever) showed the congregation some gay pornography, what would you think? Read More »
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be nice to tell a heartwarming story about a fairy-tale wedding where the bride and groom meet, fall in love, say their vows and live happily ever after. The kind of wedding Disney wants you to believe happens all the time. Unfortunately, though, as life isn’t a Disney movie, you will get no such heartwarming story.
Instead, you will get the story of a young Arab couple — let’s call them Abdul and Fatima — whose own marriage fell just short of the Disney standard. Read More »
So you think you’ve been hit hard by the global recession, eh? Two years ago you lived in a 20,000-square-foot mansion, but the bank foreclosed on you, and now you’re sharing a trailer with a family of toothless rednecks? Well, boo-friggin’-hoo. Cry me a river, Alice. You have no idea how good you’ve got it.
Still, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for you, so, in an effort to cheer you up about the fact that your living situation has gone down the toilet, I’m going to point out to you how much worse things could be. It’ll be a little like one of my favorite childhood books: Dr. Seuss’s “Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?” Read More »
As a decent, patriotic American, you are no doubt aware that in December 2008 an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at then-President George W. Bush while Bush was giving a press conference in Baghdad. Like me, I’m sure you were outraged by the journalist’s attack, which is considered a great insult in Muslim nations.
And perhaps you’ve heard that the very next month, on Bush’s last day in office, roughly 100 people stood on Pennsylvania Avenue and gave the outgoing president an Iraqi-style sendoff by lobbing their shoes in the direction of the White House, to the cheers of passers-by and even a handful of security guards. Read More »
As a sports fan, one of the things that has always appealed to me the most about the games we play is the unifying nature of team sports. Seeing athletes of different nationalities and fans from all walks of life coming together as one to achieve a common goal is the sort of thing that warms the cockles of my heart.
There’s nothing better, in my opinion, than watching a Japanese pitcher make a Puerto Rican batter hit a grounder to a Venezuelan third baseman, Read More »
Once, back when I was in high school, circa 1987 or so, I went over to a friend’s house and happened to see a pile of mail on the kitchen counter. On top of the pile was an invitation, addressed to his dad, to the Klingon Language Institute’s annual convention. That’s right: the Klingon Language Institute, as in Klingons from the TV show “Star Trek.” I’ll let that sink in for a bit before going on.
Now, I was never much of a Trekkie. In fact, I found the original “Star Trek” pretty boring and never bothered to watch any of the five other Star Trek series that followed it. Read More »
Given the sorry state of the world we live in today and the numerous challenges we face — global warming, sustainable energy, hunger, disease, poverty — you might think that scientists have plenty of important subjects to occupy their time. You would be wrong.
Actually, let me quantify that statement. You wouldn’t be wrong so much as slightly deluded. I’m sure that there are some scientists who are working on solving the world’s big problems, but I’m equally sure that there are also many scientists who have way too much time on their hands. Read More »
With 2009 finally behind us, I thought this would be a good time to sit back and reflect on some of the notable events and landmarks of the past year. Now, I know many of you probably assume I’m going to talk about such mundane things as the U.S. inaugurating its first black president, or the passing of such American icons as Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson, but fear not; I shan’t bore you with such tedious trivia. I have bigger fish to fry. Read More »