About Todd Hartley
Todd Hartley is an award-winning columnist and standup comedian originally from Greenwich, Connecticut. A former ski bum and sponsored extreme skier, he now makes his home in Basalt, Colorado, with his wife Cindy, son Griffin, two dogs named Clover and Tansy, and a cat named Blue.
By Todd Hartley on December 17, 2010
I am, admittedly, not the best parent in the world. Oh, I try, but I’m lazy and not very bright, so sometimes things don’t work out exactly as planned. I frequently let my son stay up past his bedtime, and he can go many days between baths. I allow him to watch more TV than he should, and I still haven’t figured out how to get my son to eat healthy food. There is one thing I do know as a parent, though, and that’s this: If you want your child to be healthy, don’t make McDonald’s a staple of their diet.
Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged california, happy meals, lawsuits, mcdonald's
By Todd Hartley on December 10, 2010
Greetings, friends. As many of you know, we here at “I’m With Stupid” don’t usually like to toot our own horns, despite the profound positive impact we make on the world each and every week, but this week we’re going to engage in a little self-congratulations because, by golly, we think we’ve earned it.
Some of you may recall a column from November 2009 wherein we brought you the inspiring story of a bear in India’s Kashmir region that single-handedly killed two heavily armed Muslim separatists and wounded two others. You remember that, don’t you? No? None of you? Well, we wrote it, trust us. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged egypt, israel, middle east, mossad, sharks
By Todd Hartley on December 3, 2010
Being neither Christian nor particularly conservative, I’ve never had any problems with homosexuals, so I may not be the most qualified person to opine on the subject of gays and lesbians serving in the U.S. military. Nevertheless, opine I will, as this issue has become too important for a lazy, ill-informed spewer of opinions such as myself not to offer his two cents’ worth.
I think the words that best sum up my feelings about other people’s sexual orientation would have to be “Who cares?” I’ve always considered one’s romantic preferences, much like one’s religion or political leanings, to be a personal matter and not something that needs to be discussed publicly. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged birds, don't ask don't tell, mercury, military, republicans
By Todd Hartley on November 26, 2010
You’d think that since this column is called “I’m with Stupid,” I would have had something to say about the airlines long ago. After all, there is seemingly no more poorly run industry on the planet. Surprisingly, though, I haven’t had much of a beef. Until now.
It all started a few weeks back, when I booked a ticket to my hometown for Thanksgiving. I searched and searched for a reasonably priced fare before finally finding one that wouldn’t require a second mortgage. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged airlines, baggage, chicago, o'hare, united
By Todd Hartley on November 19, 2010
Guys, just so you know, women think you’re stupid. That’s probably not news to most men, but for those of you who still harbored the delusion that you were the brighter sex, you can go ahead and disabuse yourself of that notion. You may discover the cure for cancer or build a colony on Mars someday, but in the eyes of a woman, you are still a helpless clod.
Oh, they may acknowledge that you’re a genius after the fact. I’m sure ladies appreciate that Albert Einstein was a reasonably intelligent man, Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged einstein, girlfriends, guns, intelligence, men, palin, women
By Todd Hartley on November 12, 2010
Having written about animal remains last week and U.S. technology failures the week before, I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to write about anything scientific or technological this week. I feel that too much focus in one subject area can get boring — for me and my readers — and I’ve vowed not to do it.
I had every intention of holding firm to that vow, too. I honestly did, until I stumbled across a section of the BBC News website that had the three most incredible headlines I’ve ever read: “Cricket earns big testicles title,” “Super squid sex organ discovered” and “Uglier fish have ‘better sperm.’” Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged crickets, fish, science, sex organs, sperm, squid, testicles
By Todd Hartley on November 5, 2010
If you live in the Roaring Fork Valley, by now you’re aware of the amazing discoveries being made practically on a daily basis in Snowmass Village, but for my other readers around the world, let me catch you up to speed.
You’ve heard of the La Brea Tar Pits, the place in Los Angeles where hundreds of fossils have been found, right? Well, now we’ve got something in Colorado just like it, except for all the tar and the hundreds of fossils. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged aspen, fossils, mammoths, mastodons, ski bums, snowmass
By Todd Hartley on October 29, 2010
It’s been somewhat of an interesting week for America’s technology sector, which saw its reputation take some hits on the international level but may yet have a chance to reclaim its top geek status, thanks to a potentially hazardous decision by a shadowy organization called HEPAP.
First came the terrifying revelation by the U.S. Air Force that on Saturday, due to a computer glitch, the U.S. was completely vulnerable to attack by enemy combatants for a good 45 minutes. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged air force, China, computers, lhc, missiles, physics, tevatron
By Todd Hartley on October 22, 2010
I have an announcement to make, and some of you aren’t going to like it. But my principles and faith won’t let me sit by doing nothing any longer. As a red-blooded, God-fearing American, I have had enough of watching those people do the horrible things they’ve been doing to our country in the name of their twisted, foreign belief system and indecipherable holy book.
I’m talking, of course, about Taoists, those insufferable bastards you’ve been hearing so much about on the news, Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged cars, koran, tao te ching, taoism, terry jones
By Todd Hartley on October 15, 2010
I’ve been looking over the ballot for next month’s election, and I have to say that our choices for elected positions aren’t exactly inspiring. I’m not going to name names or anything like that, but if you’ve seen the ballot, you’ll agree there’s nobody on it who makes you wish you could vote early and vote often, the way I frequently do.
With that in mind, I would like to officially announce my own candidacy and urge you all to consider me as a write-in candidate. Continue reading »
Posted in I'm With Stupid Tagged election, government, politics, spending, taxes, tea party
